The young artist now knows what she wants and refuses to settle for less.
No relationship is without its share of ups and downs. It takes two people to work through the differences. But sometimes even that isn't enough. Selena Gomez, the talented singer and actress who rose to fame rather early in life, seems to have gained much wisdom through her relationship.
In a recent interview with radio host Zach Sang, the Kill 'Em With Kindness singer opened up about what it was like being in a toxic relationship, according to iHeartRADIO. Though she only referred to the relationship as "her first love" without giving out any names, many inferred it to be her ex-boyfriend, singer Justin Bieber, that she was talking about. Their relationship began in early 2011, but the two broke it off the following year. From then on, the couple had been on-and-off more than a few times, and even took a break to date other people. It wasn't until 2018 that the couple, affectionately called Jelena by fans, finally cut ties with each other.
During an interview with Zane Lowe on Apple’s Beat 1 radio, Gomez called the heartbreak she went through “awful," according to Elle. She said, “Yeah, it was pretty terrible. And that’s okay. I think I had experienced years of it already so I wasn’t really thrown off, but I was just exhausted.” She added, “My heart was just so tired and I think that allowing myself to just say that was important for me.” Once she began to express her feelings and embrace her vulnerability, things began to change.
While Bieber went on to marry Hailey Balwin, Gomez grew into a happy, mature woman. And it was during this precious time alone, without a partner, she had time to introspect and look back at the relationship that she had entered at a rather young age.
“You're in a phase of life where you experience love for the first time and I think that can just be just a little toxic,” she told Zach Sang. “When you’re young … you have this codependency that you think is love and then you have this addiction to the passion and the frustration with each other that you think, 'Oh, that's love,' or fighting or doing all this stuff, 'Oh that's love,' and I believed that for a long time.”
Though it took a while, the 27-year-old actress did finally understand that she deserves a healthy relationship that doesn't constantly hurt. In an episode of the Genius YouTube series "Verified," she discussed her song Rare, which talks about asserting your worth in a relationship and how manipulation affects relationships. "I think men and women do it, especially teenagers and young people in love; there’s this satisfaction out of hurting someone because you know that they care. Purposefully putting someone down because you want to keep them at a level," she explained, according to Harper's Bazaar. "It’s like to keep that person down so they never realize, 'Oh, I’m strong enough to actually get out of this situation.'"
"So this is more of like a complete stance," Gomez said of her single track. "I’m not going to beg for you, I’m not going to let you make me cry. I’m not getting enough from you and you clearly don’t realise that I’m hard to find."
And that is what she also expressed her in her two singles, Lose You to Love Me and Look at Her Now, which she believes are the “perfect way of wrapping up a chapter” of her life. However, her bitter experience with toxic relationship hasn't stopped her from believing in love. Gomez, who also briefly dated artist The Weeknd, isn't afraid to fall in love again. Only this time, she knows what she wants and refuses to settle for less. She told Sang, “I want it to be real and I don't want it to be codependent or messy or lack of communication. I think you know when you get older, you find people that are actually right for you, that are actually on the same wavelength.”
She is also someone who believes in waiting for the right one. She's been single for a couple of years now and seems to be loving it. “I’ve been having way too much fun being on my own,” she said. "It sucked for the first year, I was like, ‘I just wanna cuddle, I just wanna watch something and be adored.’ But now it feels good. Now it feels awesome.” Of course, there are some days that gets the better of her, like it does any of us. "Some days when I wake up and I’m annoyed, I’m like, 'I’m gonna be alone forever.'," she said, according to Harper's Bazaar. "But after that fifteen minutes goes away, I say to myself, I know that there is someone for everybody." Yes. We believe there definitely is someone out there who will find Gomez and celebrate the incredibly talented, beautiful, and kind woman that she is.