There could be roadblocks in any relationship no matter how long the couple's been together. Trying to fix it on your own isn't all that easy. Sometimes, you both might need help, and that's absolutely okay.
After years of living together, sometimes molehills seem like mountains in a relationship. Some couples harbor years of resentment and some simply fail to understand each other's communication style. Frank Kermit, dating and relationship coach, explains to Elite Daily that resentment can be a relationship killer since it can destroy any feelings of affection and connection.
It's not until things turn utterly sour that many couples consider therapy. However, some go into couples' counseling even when their relationship is doing well. Actor Kristen Bell had opened up about it in 2017, saying that it allowed her relationship to remain healthy when there are so many external pressures. "We both take responsibility when we are wrong, and I think it is easy to work with him because I married him, because I enjoy spending time with him and I trust him," She told People magazine about husband Dax Shepard.
Here are some ways in which seeking couple's therapy could help you and your partner:
There can be misunderstandings because our message is not being received by our partner. Dr. Fran Walfish, Beverly Hills family and relationship psychotherapist and author of The Self-Aware Parent, told Elite Daily, “most people lack healthy give and take," and "listening and talking skills regarding good communication".
The issue could be anything like money, sex, children, work/career, in-laws, or other environmental stressors, but people don't know how to talk about difficult things. Dr. Walfish recommends speaking to a counselor to learn those skills. It can lead to deeper intimacy in the relationship, he says.
Everyone has a different communication style and sometimes our wavelengths don't match. People are constantly changing and growing. It is possible that you understood each other at the beginning of the relationship and are surprised now. When your communication no longer matches it can be hard to have your needs met, says Goodtherapy.com. It is difficult for any person to divine what the other wants without being told. Open and clear channels of dialogue will help in this instance.
Sometimes, daily life buries us in the burdens of it. For many couples with children, their partner becomes solely a parent rather than a lover. Some people get complacent about their relationship and stop putting any effort into it. All these factors can lead to you feeling disconnected with your partner. A counselor can help you reconnect emotionally and bringing back the intimacy. They can suggest ways to try new things as a couple and view each other as romantic partners again.
The arguments you have could be because of a few underlying patterns between the two of you. The therapist helps you recognize the negative patterns that are bubbling below the surface and the different ways they show up. You could be feeling that while the fights are about different things you are still fighting over the same thing over and over. A counselor will help you get out of this cycle of conflict by showing you what is truly bothering you as a couple, according to PsychCentral.
Conflicts will always be a part and parcel of the relationship. When you disagree with each other, it shows that the dialogue is open and both still care. However, when the conflict is full of rage, it can build negative emotions like contempt, guilt, and resentment in the relationship. No argument full of blaming, yelling, or name-calling can lead to a resolution. Counseling shows us better ways to express and listen to each other.
If there has been a betrayal of any kind and the couple still wants to work on the relationship, a counselor is a safe space for the couple to express their fears and concerns. A counselor can help couples see the problems simmering below the surface. They can also help you get closer to each other with all the changes that they suggest.
Disclaimer: This article is based on facts collated from different sources. The views expressed here are those of the writer.